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Monday, October 1, 2012

Depressed after being oppressed too long and repressing the emotions


I am right now emerging out of the blues of depression which had taken a strong hold on me since couple of months. I read some where that depression is nothing but anger spread very thin .. In my case many justified reasons to be angry at one hand and denial of my longing to set things straight to the known rhythm of 7 years at the other.

Now in retrospect I feel I can forgive people for what they did unto me because in a way they did this unto themselves (not a very christian thought when put like that I know).

Things look bright again and there are many small little big things I look forward to right now...
everyday joyous greeting of a frenzied puppy - chinnu the 4, she is demented and loves me that way too – a bite here and a spray of piss there and licks which land any where

talking and playing best of 7 with amma during the post lunch lull and listening to her reminiscing about people and places and sometimes I get to hear some long buried secrets as well

my neice Bhuvi messaging me and calling me on her current interest – running commentary of what chinnu is up to – I love this connection with her and by the way I heard she told her mom and dad that 'Aparna atthe is cooool' – dude what more do I need to gloat about and glow about?

The fun banter begins again with annayya – we are no longer two intense sulky and surly individuals and may be it indicates that both of us are resurfacing to our true selves and I love that feeling

waking up to a good mood is a blessing and venky makes it better with his unconditional taking care (I have not cooked a single meal in months and only recently I am paying attention to home maintenance)

The trip to Bangalore to be with my brother, sister in law and neice – looking forward to this a lot. I feel totally heard and understood in this place.

Our (Venky and me) three day mini vacation this month where when and how not planned yet

a surprise visit to Hospet to see our dear friends there this month some time
of course tonight – catching up and giggling with tikky

Hope is eternal and here is hope to stay as it should be :)