I was thinking about moments of frustration or moments when I feel on the verge of tears due to mute anger in my relationship with my partner. I am writing about it as I am going through one such moment right now (ha ha). I was trying to understand why such moments are almost predictable at hind sight?
One interesting fact is that there are seemingly endless ways of expressing resistance subtly. Selective engagement with issues is one way I feel. If we get into why selective, then we will get into a diaspora of subjects and it becomes never ending.
I was astonished to read that procrastination to take issues at hand forward in relationships might be due to resistance to authority!!! If we dig it deeply it might connect to gender and what not.
You get the idea right? I am pissed off so this rambling...
p.s: If you are concerned about what is happening then dont be. Because some times what does not happen might be the problem. We have a track record of kissing and making up before we sleep so rest easy ;-)
One interesting fact is that there are seemingly endless ways of expressing resistance subtly. Selective engagement with issues is one way I feel. If we get into why selective, then we will get into a diaspora of subjects and it becomes never ending.
I was astonished to read that procrastination to take issues at hand forward in relationships might be due to resistance to authority!!! If we dig it deeply it might connect to gender and what not.
You get the idea right? I am pissed off so this rambling...
p.s: If you are concerned about what is happening then dont be. Because some times what does not happen might be the problem. We have a track record of kissing and making up before we sleep so rest easy ;-)
9 comments:
What I can assume from what you said is even though you feel your relationship is strong, you have moments of frustration.
For once why don't you stop searching answers in popular non-fiction? Why don’t you consider the idea of fulfillment itself?
When does anybody get frustrated? It may look like different people get frustrated for different reasons; but all these emotions can be traced to fundamentals. Otherwise there is no hope of getting out of these things. We will be caught in psychological models and never ending analysis.
No relationship can be perfect as there can be no perfect human beings. Life is a process of continuous change and suffering arises due to the inability to change. Relationships, however glorified, are static by nature being created for the sake of psychological security, physical pressure and societal norm.
All of us offer tremendous resistance to change and expect it from others. Because self is what we have and protecting it is our own self-interest.
On the contrary, religions have questioned it and said that only liberation is the answer, not the escape mechanisms cleverly built to protect it. But turning religions into traditions has rendered them ineffective to everyday living.
Otherwise how do you understand the sadness of man with all his ambition, achievement, positive thinking, nutritious eating, exercising and detoxing: science, art, culture and love? In other words secreting a lot of feel good endorphins by various activities...
Can we say that what the self wants is identity, protection and fulfillment and hence continuously requires attention, fears the loss and gets frustrated for not being fulfilled?
And being the product of insecurity, it is essentially neurotic?
Who wants to deal with these things with both seriousness and rationality? The tendency to make all these issues varied in terms of seriousness itself shows that we don't want to end them.I have seen people not moving from what they are doing even when it is crucial.People are simply not interested to go deeper into issues.All they want is superficial solutions.They are used to avoiding than dealing with issues.But what else is the cause of unhappiness than the shallowness we feel in life?Are desperate attempts to feel good are the only answer?
Hmmm, I think we keep oscillating between feeling good and feeling horrible based on so many other psychological and biological factors. The key thing is to engage and not drop it as soon as one feels better as you say. This approach has given me many highs of moving ahead in relationship and may be stumbling on the next pebble on the way. You say that though these pebbles look different,they are essentially the same and need to be addressed at the root. I agree with you, but one never knows what is the root unless we go on engaging with it one bit at a time no? May be one day there will be a big picture realisation. I think this is a journey towards that.
It is not a journey that takes one's entire life time and achieved at the end or in after life.I agree it is a step by step thing.But it can also be a plunge.Constant engagement with it is the spade work needed.Let us begin with the saying "desire leads to suffering".What do you make out of it?It is important because we are told that fulfillment of desire is the goal of life.
Desire leads to suffering... Love is something that we are trying to understand.. desire sounds like an unreasonable expectation of or a misunderstood part of love.
Happiness is said to be the moment when 'self' has forgotten itself.That means it is not carrying itself in the act which is giving it happiness.It is simply there unburdened by anything.All happy experiences are only identified in retrospect.Desire is wanting the happy moments again in the same manner.Here memory is involved in creating the moment.That means memory fixes the happiness.The moment it does this,it looses as it is impossible to predetermine the happiness.This leads to frustration by not being able to be happy and finally painful awareness of this inability.One may end up blaming the self,others or anything else and everything starts all over again in its pursuit of pleasure.This is what Buddha means when he says desire is the root of suffering.I said this because I think understanding desire and pleasure is important.They are usually taken for love.
I agree with you completely. I think that is the major pitfall of relationships. Expectation of the first experience ruins the second! But, the tricky part is, we start searching for reasons in all wrong avenues which leads to another big loop of whys and hows and why nots... this is never ending. Being happy with ones self is a start I feel. But, how can I be selfless.... do not know yet. Though I agree there are moments when the self takes a back seat...
Trying to be selfless or whatever is another trap which has made man to do all kinds of stuff recommended by religions, gurus and cults: yoga, drugs and communes. They fail because they expect results which are outside the process. Yoga is exercise which makes body flexible, drugs generate illusions, and other things are traditions. Saying no to tradition creates a new tradition.
More over trying involves time and becomes endless.
Understanding how this self is the root cause is the way out. But this should not be a concept. Otherwise it becomes implementation of the concept and chain of cause and effect starts again. Joy is causeless and timeless. It is whole. But the fragmented self is unable to see it. This line of thinking is not of much use now.
So, let us ask the question what is the self?
Do you think we are going in circles asking same question again and again?
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