People keep talking about respecting each other in relationships. Though this is a key to all interpersonal relationships, I am focusing more here on man – woman relationship. I keep saying that I respect my partner and he respects me. What do I mean by this?
If as an adult I have to explain this to a youngster how would I do it?
This is to my young cousins who are just stepping into their twenties and are looking at the opposite sex in wondrous ways.
I think, respect is nothing but being aware of and accepting each others boundaries and borders. The ones that can be stretched, the ones that can be overcome and the ones which are non negotiable and stick. Awareness about these and being open and considerate about the other person is respect for me in a nutshell.
Just like we pass from kindergarten to graduation, there will be levels and nuances that we go on learning about the other. Otherwise respect would become a clichéd and revered laundry list of unshakable truths.
My dearest girls please know that when you have a person in your life who is ‘open’ and respects you for what you are, then know how you understand it and by knowing what.
If as an adult I have to explain this to a youngster how would I do it?
This is to my young cousins who are just stepping into their twenties and are looking at the opposite sex in wondrous ways.
I think, respect is nothing but being aware of and accepting each others boundaries and borders. The ones that can be stretched, the ones that can be overcome and the ones which are non negotiable and stick. Awareness about these and being open and considerate about the other person is respect for me in a nutshell.
Just like we pass from kindergarten to graduation, there will be levels and nuances that we go on learning about the other. Otherwise respect would become a clichéd and revered laundry list of unshakable truths.
My dearest girls please know that when you have a person in your life who is ‘open’ and respects you for what you are, then know how you understand it and by knowing what.
6 comments:
Hi,
Your understanding of Respect is interesting and i agree with you.Am interested in the first part i.e., being aware of the boundaries and borders of each other. For being aware of the Strengths and limitations of a person i think we must know why we are defining them so.Am interested in the Rationale behind describing the boundaries and borders because different individuals have different perspectives about describing Strengths and limitations.
well written. Maha's comments are interesting. What is this boundary business?
My view is in an interpersonal relationships, it springs from checking whether one is truthful to myself and whether I am sensitive to your needs at that point. Actually,listening is critical. More than that, am I interested in an exploration of mine and your life along with acknowledging what is common and valuing differences.. tough to do unless I am willing to observe my self image and image I hold about you..
Dear Shweth,
I think you are in a way answering your own pondering. Strengths and limitations are perceived in a very subjective manner. What my limitations are according to a patriarchal framework might be my strengths according to a non patriarchal one. And these are dynamic as well and keep changing. So, I feel we should be aware of judgements made in the name of strengths and limitations and following what criterion. This determines whether you will take it or leave it. I think, may be when two people are in love this will become a open quest for understanding each other and will have a natural flow.
Dear Hari,
I completely agree with you about truth and examining the self about the images we make and carry and react to. That is a second step I feel. I am talking from the point of view of being aware of knowing the discomforts of the self and the other. This I feel will help in understanding the stance and 'holding' each other at all times of distress and joy. Your observation is the 'how' part of it I feel. Otherwise there will be some level of trampling on the 'live wires' of others perspectives and feelings. This is completely based on my experience which is relative as well as dynamic ;-)
My question to Swetha here is how many perspectives are possible? As many as all people on earth? It is only subjective reality then..If your idea about boundary,border and respect is different from that of mine,what should we do?If strength in my view is weakness in your view how to go about it? Most of the time we just avoid them and do not argue about them regarding everybody around us.But in an intimate relationship like love or marriage how do you escape like this..I don't know whether I made sense here..
Farnoos,
You've got a treasure trove of examples to quote and a wit you haven't unleashed in this post, man. This feel like an intro, I want to read more!!!
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