Its a known fact for people who are intimate with me that I am going through an inner churning right now.
Akka experiences my rantings against patriarchy and my plans to do something instead of sitting and fuming (videos, research and radio programmes) and she knows that lens of mine.
My dearest friend Ms. Bones (name changed to give her privacy) knows this plus the frustrations around a slow motion letting go of a dear team and we both smile or sigh together in this limbo always grateful to fall into an embrace.
My partner knows about all these plus the mood swings, anxiety attacks , fatigue fits I get into (which he bears from time to time) and many more.
I can see myself float around the minds of people in bits and pieces of opinions, images, funny lines, laughs, rages, insensitivities, love, compassion and hugs.
I am a throbbing mass of live cells who together carry around the tapestry of thoughts and memories – old and new.
The guessing game of who they are to me and what I am to them some times becomes depressing and can be exhilerating as well if one is open.
This openness is a tricky business, the 'me' always chooses how open with whom. My openness floats like a mosquitonet and depending on how much of it is needed, either it is open or it seems easy to open.
I am a stitched together tent of tiny opennesses. Stitched by images of you, them and me.
11 comments:
It is said that human agency reacts to the structure by building institutions.Can we say that our engagement with it is our life?
I am not really clear what you are saying actually...
I feel like all of us have a need to be heard, understood and loved. But when everybody wants it 'exclusively' then it starts grating on the nerves. I feel I am a forced listener many times, many times feel muted, many times feel like a pair of ears or a container for many thoughts. Right now I am pissed off because except for a few people in life, nobody asks how are you? whats up? but there are several who want to unload their stories on to me....
I meant to say that you are engaged in building a family life and an institutional life against the patriarchal structure.
But 'story tellers' are getting on your nerves with their 'demand'.
They want the sympathies of the queen when she herself is in need of it.Is this the 'lamentation' of this tragedy queen?
Ha ha ha brother you nailed it ;-) lamentation of a drama queen as well. I usually have energies to listen, listen and listen on some days I dont and it frustrates me that's all. So on a dark and stormy night, suddenly a lamentation rang out :-D
Then call it what you will,
Call it fulfillment! Heart! Love! God!
I have no name for it.
—Goethe’s Faust
I think I loved the comments as much as I loved the post.
Needless to say, you truly are a queen. Tragedy - not so sure. But Drama yes, and much more of the warrior type, me thinks. Battle away, my queen!
Ha ha ha thanks chin, salutations from one queen to the other :-D
How are you dear? How has life been treating you lately?
How will our world be, if there were no such stitched nets of various emotions, feelings, the idea of me and you?
I guess thats the beauty of life and relationships....
:) keep the faith... and hold on to patience and sometimes imagine a tunnel between your ears that lets the stories pass through... if you have to absorb, keep the sieve holes in the tunnel really tiny... so that the sound trickle does not fill your container of thoughts
Darling krufi, thanks kane :-) enjoyed the imagery of the tunnel and sieve. Yes I need to do that and not feel bad :-D
I loved it.First half of it especially.You write so well when you are not self conscious and flow.
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