My
dearest 20 year old in the whole world,
You
are 20 and you are considered hot by many boys. Fellow students in
your college think you are a recluse because you are hardly there in
the college and it pains you to see why these females do not like
you. Your lecturers hardly know your face as you are either absent
or sit quietly when you are present. Do not worry they will know
you when the final results come and wonder who this girl is with
highest marks.
You
have a notion my darling that you are more comfortable with male
friends than female friends. This notion comes from the base of
patriarchy which encourages us to shun the company of women and
embrace the company of men. Please think about this. The girl you
like now as a classmate will be there in your life as a friend to
count on forever. The boys who made you feel like they are your best
friends are hardly there now. The happiness you feel sitting in the University canteen with your theatre group members (young men) is not just because they are your friends alone, you are enjoying being out in the open - drinking many cups of Tea, discussing poems, sharing your opinions as an adult and for being respected for that. You feel empowered and you do not have the feminist vocabulary of it yet.
You
feel drawn towards a man who is older than you and somehow feel like
you need your parents and siblings to know this as well as endorse
it. This also comes from the base of patriarchy my dearest. I ask
you to explore who he is as a person more than worry about
endorsements which might eventually lead to marriage. It is fine if
he touches you with your consent but if (or should I say when) he
touches when you do not want it, please slap him. You should not
feel ashamed because it is what patriarchy tells you to. I can
assure you that you will spread your wings wide and fly high.
You
are experimenting with writing poems and secretly maintaining a
notebook. Go ahead and fill it. Show it to friends and family. Do
not feel shy when some are showcases of physical awakening of
desire. It is natural and you need not feel shy as it comes from
patriarchy too.
You
are a young woman now and your experiences shape me. Take care of me
for you my darling.
