Rants

 Rant 1: Recently met lot of old friends from college over a happy  occasion. First thing which came to my mind  each time I bumped into a familiar face was joy which was reciprocated too. The seed of this rant was planted when a long lost dear friend said that  he does not feel  old at all and he feels like some event we did together 15 years ago happened yesterday. And generally spoke about how it is important to feel young to be young (this happened over drinks when we met again in the night).  I know one angle of this  is also that when old friends meet then they pick up where they left off and such. But, obviously  there was another  thought which came to me 'ya right! you are a man!'. As a woman how I am reminded that I  am getting older each year, going past my prime, my face is showing signs  of age, my hair is greying and thinning - tips about what I  should  be doing, how to tighten my skin from now onwards, how to do this and how to do that... No wonder I  do not feel 22 any more. Though patriarchal male privilege is done to  death in various circles, I feel the  feminist female disenfranchisement.

Rant 2: What is with all these soaps on the T.V revolving around romances which pan out agonisingly over years (keep glancing while I am at mom's and other places where I do  not  have control over the remote). This new trend of romance is evident in all the channels. Another trend is also majority of them are romances between 'married by elders in the same community' couples and either husband does not love his wife because he had a girl friend before or wife does not love  her husband because she has misunderstood him some how or  some thing equally inane. This new age sanskaari bahu can facebook, handle smart phones and all other things. But, she will be busy getting into  one after the other tangles in her in laws place. In between there will be slow motion scenes of these couples grazing their finger tips to romantic music!!

Rant 3: Not being able to get a home which  is decent to rent due to ever shrinking living space, ever expanding city, pushing of fixed income people to periphery which  is an implicitly agreed phenomenon of a capitalistic society.

Rant 4 till infinity: Along with these add all other triggers of being judged, being muted, passive aggressified, labelled and so on. Now that  compiles today's rants.
  

What stilled or surged seeing Thelma and Louise take the leap ...

Two women who want one weekend away from their 'regular' lives decide to go on a road trip. For one, the regular life is being at home catering to her husband who sells products to other people by sweet talk and his sweetness turns vitriolic when he is with his wife. Ok she living in that life is her 'choice' one can argue but let us come to that choice later. The other woman is a waitress staying single though she wants an elusive boyfriend to be more than that. She waits for him and calls him a thousand times and clings on to the hope that he would come around. She is outspoken and appears tough. That life is her 'choice' too lets say. Ya ya we will come back to that choice in some time.

The roadtrip turns a nightmare and they end up being forced to choose whether they would like to be shot or imprisoned for life or fly into the grand canyon. They laugh and chose the thrid option.

After watching the glowing and glorious faces of Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis as they make that decision, it struck me that women are 'given' those choices which seem like Dante's various levels of inferno today as well.

- Choose to marry or any man can think you are available

- If married (good girl) then choose to have children or the society will look at you like you are a person with difficiencies or you do not want a child to interfere with your merry making ways

- Choose to not have alcohol or you can get raped, beaten or killed – because boys will be boys

- Choose to think of your career as second priority in comparison with your partner's career or you might end up alone and so on and so forth

None of these are new and many of them are 'cliches'. But try to stir out of one of them, then see how that works out. Choose whether you want to be a 'good woman' or we will hound you with labels and will get away with silencing you one way or the other...

No my friends that will not work with us all now. We do not want your choices and we do not want your veiled threats. We shall laugh our ways to glory come heaven or high water.

Menstruation Ramayana

I remember boys were asked to skip one particular biology class in class 8^th. Our lady teacher addressed us girls and hurriedly finished off the chapter. So what is this scandalous thing that we learnt that day or did not learn because it was drowned in unfamiliar scientific terminology?

 It was a chapter on male and female reproductive organs. Some things which stuck then are,

- After starting my period I can/might become pregnant (the process of how was not registered properly; in post class giggle session, some girls said by kissing, some said it will definitely happen if we eat leftover food of boys/men and so on, )

- Before starting my period my egg is sitting and waiting for the sperm. When that does not happen it starts to disintegrate in a bloody way (tantrum thrown by the angry egg!)

- Men's reproductive organ – the pictures made us giggle and the teacher nervous

- pregnancy is a fantastic thing which ends with a baby's birth – placenta is there for feeding and so on. As an aside, we wondered about baby's crap and where it goes. Some of us imagined baby crap floating in the stomach and wondered whether that is the reason for preganant bellies.

Any way since I had liberal and progressive upbringing at home, I knew that night itself very clearly what happens, how it happens and why. I shared that with other girls next day and what happened next is another story. 

I heard even today the situation is not exactly different when young women from M.P or girls from Karnataka cities, towns or villages share their experiences.

Why the hell do people go on saying that a female egg does everything else hurriedly so that it can come and sit in a place waiting for the warrior sperm to come see it? Doesnt it parallel the story of Ramayan? 

Pardon the caricatured narration of it though: Sita after being born just to marry Rama is found in a box (Ovum) and she is reared by Janaka to be an up righteous young princess and she waits for Rama to win her hand ..... once that happens, in the second round she waits for Rama to rescue her from Ravana ...... in the third round she waits for Rama to clear her name......  in the round next she waits for Rama to own her offspring and so on.

As long as Sita (in a one dimensioned list of notable  moral values way) is the role model for an ideal woman, this take on menstruation will go on.

What women want on bloody days

Letter to sanitary napkin advertisement makers:
Dear Ad makers,
I am a woman and I want to to share my views on what you try to sell me is a happy period. I also write this on behalf of many women I know who menstruate and use sanitary napkins.
Some of us are heavy bleeders, some of us are not, some have stomach cramps, some have bloated breasts, some have bloated stomachs, some have food sensitivity, some of us have back aches, some of us have legs hurting, some of our migraine gets triggered by the period and the list goes on.

It is bad enough we can not talk about some of us being emotionally sensitive before our period and PMS is a 'bitch' word. Now I have to sit and take it year after year, you guys showing what women can achieve during periods? Wear a white pant and run around? Or wear sexy clothes and go for dinner? Mother and daughter skip together on the beach? Or climb up a ladder and take photos? Or save the world and come back to cook for the family?

One wonders who comes up with these concepts? As a woman who bleeds every month, I can say this about these ads, one thing that is very cleverly ignored is, what women want on these days. I need rest, I need my partner to be helpful, if I am mother then I want my partner to pitch in, I might need a day off if I am cramping up, I might want to rest and read, in the office I might need a day where I can put my legs up on a foot stool or anything except what is shown. ...

So these patriarchal and capitalistic messages tell me to ignore what my body tells me because I am now able to overcome my 'menstrual disability' by being super efficient, super chirpy, super enthusiastic and super whatever?

So next superwoman movie should have the line 'strap on your sanitary napkin sister' you can do whatever you want? (not that superwoman movie is being made).

I do not want to discount the comfort of wearing a sanitary pad which absorbs more or does not let the panties stain or whatever. But we the women are clientele remember? Why sell it to make us ignore our bodily signals and push us to perform high gear all the time?

At work place as it is the patriarchal culture makes it a taboo word to use. Already women with reproductive organs are a liability for 'efficient performance', we have PMS, periods, pregnancies and the likes right. Now you are telling everyone that with a correct napkin, we can do whatever we want? What about other days? We do not exist in your ads except for applying creams to become fairer and win a guy, testing out detergents for whiter clothes winning the husband's heart, falling all over men with hypnotic deodorants, selling tooth brushes to insurance policies ... with body parts which are deliberately removed from the reproductive function...

So if women lived in the world created by ads how would we look like? How would our day be? Where would our happiness reside in? No prizes for guessing..
The Stepford wives we are not because they are not real ..

A letter to my 20 year old self...

My dearest 20 year old in the whole world,

You are 20 and you are considered hot by many boys. Fellow students in your college think you are a recluse because you are hardly there in the college and it pains you to see why these females do not like you. Your lecturers hardly know your face as you are either absent or sit quietly when you are present. Do not worry they will know you when the final results come and wonder who this girl is with highest marks.

You have a notion my darling that you are more comfortable with male friends than female friends. This notion comes from the base of patriarchy which encourages us to shun the company of women and embrace the company of men. Please think about this. The girl you like now as a classmate will be there in your life as a friend to count on forever. The boys who made you feel like they are your best friends are hardly there now. The happiness you feel sitting in the University canteen with your theatre group members (young men) is not just because they are your friends alone, you are enjoying being out  in  the  open - drinking  many cups of Tea, discussing poems, sharing your opinions as an adult and for being respected for that. You feel empowered and you do  not  have the feminist vocabulary of it  yet.

You feel drawn towards a man who is older than you and somehow feel like you need your parents and siblings to know this as well as endorse it. This also comes from the base of patriarchy my dearest. I ask you to explore who he is as a person more than worry about endorsements which might eventually lead to marriage. It is fine if he touches you with your consent but if (or should I say when) he touches when you do not want it, please slap him. You should not feel ashamed because it is what patriarchy tells you to. I can assure you that you will spread your wings wide and fly high.

You are experimenting with writing poems and secretly maintaining a notebook. Go ahead and fill it. Show it to friends and family. Do not feel shy when some are showcases of physical awakening of desire. It is natural and you need not feel shy as it comes from patriarchy too.

You are a young woman now and your experiences shape me. Take care of me for you my darling.